Dealing with Critiscism

Last time I started a conversation on introversion and how those of use who are introverts can feel somewhat marginalized by the Church. Today, I want to tackle a topic that is perhaps even closer to home: Dealing with criticism. I know I struggle with it, and based on the conversations I have with other technical leaders, I’m not alone.

My thinking has been challenged on this topic in a few ways over the last few months. First, I read the book, Introverts in the Church: Finding our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam S. McHugh. I’ve also been talking about it with a good friend of mine with whom I meet fairly regularly. And he gave me another book to read (which I have yet to start…).

There were two quotes in McHugh’s book that really got me thinking. Perhaps this will ring true for you as well. 

“Facing the disappointment of others seems to take a greater toll on introverts because we habitually internalize everything and can be conflict avoidant. [sic]”

Habitually internalizing everything? Me? Yup. All the time. I think a lot of it goes back to the fact that we’re largely artists, and when you create something and it’s criticized, it stings. We talked about that a few weeks ago. Our ideas, projects, mixes, videos, lighting designs, everything we do in fact, become our friends because we spend so much time with them; even if it’s only in our heads. When someone doesn’t approve of or appreciate our friends, we feel hurt. 

As someone who has been in creative fields for years, I’ve learned to toughen up and not take every “suggestion” so personally. But still, I admit to reading way more into things than I should. And there is a problem with that. If we internalize too much for too long, we can end up bitter and angry. 

McHugh talks about Moses (who I believe was an introvert) and what happened to him when he simply mumbled to himself instead of dealing with the problem. 

“Moses allowed the complaints of others to fester in his soul, eating away like acid at his sense of call and joy in serving God.”

Ouch. Man, do I not want to end up like that! But look at what happens; we start internalizing everything, not working it out with people because we are afraid of conflict. Then that internalized grumbling begins to fester and destroy our souls. We end up being the grumpy old tech that no one really wants to talk to or have anything to do with. 

I don’t want that for me, and I don’t want that for you. It’s hard work to deal with this stuff, though. It’s going to mean having hard conversations with people. We may have to do some ground work with those people up front as well. If we’re feeling bitter towards others who are extroverted, we may need to help them understand a process that enables us to walk through resolving conflict. That may be hard for them, and it will certainly be hard for you. 

But I think it’s worth it. The church is facing some serious giants right now, and we need all hands on deck. We can’t allow our introversion to disqualify us from what God has called us to do. Even if we have to stretch. 

I encourage you to pick up the book. It’s a good read with lots of practical advice for introverts by an introvert. My fellow technical artist, you have so much to offer, it just looks different than what others contribute. Go forth and make a difference!

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Introverts Are People, Too

I love to read. When someone suggest a book to me, I either put it my list of book recommendations or buy it right then and there for my Kindle. Earlier this year, someone (and I wish I could remember who) suggested I read a book called Introverts in the Church: Finding our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam S. McHugh. As an introvert, I thought this would be interesting. I was wrong; it was challenging, enlightening and thought provoking. I learned a lot and for the last few months have been wrestling with many things he said. 

I don’t really do book reviews here, but I’m going to pull out a few quotes and share them with you.  One of the things he talks about in the first part of the book is the tendency for the church to equate spirituality with extroversion. That may sound odd at first, but think about this for a moment. 

"Whereas in some church traditions you enter a sanctuary in a spirit of quiet reverence, in evangelical churches you walk into what feels like a nonalcoholic cocktail party. There is a chatty, mingling informality to evangelicalism, where words flow like wine. To participate in the evangelical church is to join the conversation. Introverts, however, spare our words in unfamiliar contexts and often prefer to observe on the fringe rather than engage in the center. Our spirituality may be grounded in Scripture, yet is quieter, slower and more contemplative. In an upfront, talkative, active evangelical culture, we can be viewed as self-absorbed or standoffish, and we can feel like outsiders even when we have faithfully attended a church for years."

If you are an introvert, and you feel like you are somehow less spiritual because you don’t chat everyone up every week, perhaps you can relate. After reading this book, I’ve actually begun to notice some things that the Church does that make perfect sense to extroverts, but can be really uncomfortable for us introverts. Like greeting times. Or silly games at staff parties. This is not to say that we shouldn’t engage, but too much of that will take its toll on us. So we need space to recharge. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s hard for extroverts to understand what we’re doing. To wit: 

"One of the big mistakes Extraverts make is to assume that if someone is not engaged with another person, that individual is simply not busy."

You’ve had this happen; you’re sitting in your office, mulling over an idea, process or thinking about a way to do something differently. You’re making good progress when all of the sudden, someone bursts into your office and starts talking. They figure that since you’re not talking to anyone, you’re not doing anything. I’ve talked before about our tendency to think everyone is just like us, and the extrovert can’t imagine sitting alone, thinking about something for very long. But for us introverts, this is golden time. 

Now at this point, you may be thinking that we introverts need to rise up and defend our right to be unmolested in our thinking time, and perhaps we should start an introverted church where we don’t have small groups, greeting times or pot luck dinners. Hold on a second.

McHugh does a good job in this book of legitimizing our natural bent as introverts, while reminding us that we do need to get out there and interact. With people. There is good reason for this, and he says it better than I can.

"I cannot escape the fact that growth invariably involves the messiness of genuine human contact and the struggles of intimacy."

We really can’t grow as people, or as disciples unless we get out there and interact with other people. I am learning that the best way to do that is different for me than it is for extroverts, but it still involves being around other people. 

I have cultivated a small but trusted group of people in whom I can confide, and who challenge me to grow. I typically meet with or talk with them one on one, and find my best times of growth come after a talk with them when I have time to process what we discussed. 

I’ve learned that I’m an internal processor, and when someone confronts me, challenges me or rebukes me, I need time to go off, think about it, mull it over and later, come back with a response. That’s OK. In fact, things go a lot better for me when I take that time (even telling the other person that’s what I’m doing). 

There is a lot more in this book, and next time I’ll touch on a very specific topic that I think affects a lot of us introverted technical artists; internalizing criticism. Stay tuned.

You can find the book on Amazon here: Dead Tree Version   |   Kindle Version

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Church Tech Weekly Episode 150: Dreamkillers.com

This week we start out talking about how to prepare for big events. Then the conversation morphs into how we can take care of ourselves and our team during those events, and pretty much all year long.

More...

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God Sees Your Service

Image courtesy of Svadilfari

A big part of the problem with serving behind the scenes is that you are, by definition, supposed to be pretty much invisible. Most of the time, we technical artists are OK with that. We’d rather not be the ones on stage, talking to the crowd; or even in a big room full of people if we’re honest. We like to be in the background, and that’s OK. But there’s a problem with being invisible.

We tend to feel invisible, too.

I’m sure it’s happened to you (and if it hasn’t, it will) on a Sunday afternoon that while you’re picking up the stage, eager congregants will come up and tell the worship leader, band and pastor what a wonderful job they did. They’ll go on and on about how much they love to worship, and how much they got out of the message. This is all good.

But it can sting a little, too.

We know that we helped make the service happen. Shoot, we may have even made the band a sound a lot better than they really are (reverb covers a multitude of sins, and sometimes turning down a guitar is better than turning it up…). We made sure the pastor’s slides were made, and displayed at the right time. All the mic’s worked exactly the way they were supposed to. The lighting complimented the music, and the service was technically excellent. 

And nobody noticed.

Those are the times when we don’t enjoy feeling invisible. 

It was after one of those weekends that I happened to be reading through a passage in Mark 9. One verse in particular caught my attention and re-framed my perspective (the Bible is cool like that).

Why, anyone by just giving you a cup of water in my name is on our side. Count on it that God will notice.

Mark 9:41

I take comfort in the fact that God notices when people give a cup of water to someone in the name of Christ. Surely he notices the hours we put in working on the mix, the lighting, or slides. No doubt he sees and is pleased with what you do each weekend.

Somebody, does indeed notice. 

So take courage, my fellow technical artist. Just a few verses later, Jesus reminds us that “Many who are the fist will be last, and the last first.” (Mark 10:31). Maybe, just maybe, those who received all the praise in this life will be surprised by the praise those who served in the shadows receive in the next.

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