It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that I’m no longer working at Coast Hills, or any other church for that matter, as a TD any longer. I wrapped up in May and have begun a whole new adventure as system designer/project manager for Flexstage, which is part of the architecture firm, Visioneering. Several people have asked me recently, “So, what does your Sunday morning look like now?” When a question comes up more than a few times, it usually becomes a blog post. So here you go.
I’m on Sabbatical
Usually it’s the pastoral staff that gets to take sabbatical. Every few years, pastors often take a month, two or several off to refresh, pray and study. It’s a good concept, and one that I fully support. We all need time to recharge. And that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing. For the last few months, my Sundays have been sleeping in, writing, going for walks and sometimes watching a NASCAR race in my PJs.
I had originally planned on taking a month off, but it’s turned into more than that. Now, I feel compelled to give some disclaimers at this point. I am not mad at the Church. I don’t feel burned by the Church. I don’t hate the Church. I’m not quitting Church to focus on my business. I just need a break. I will be back.
It’s Been a Long Time
I didn’t grow up going to church. My family and I went once in a while, but in the absence of any meaningful experience, I didn’t stick around. When I met the Lord in 1988 (almost 26 years ago to the week…), I immediately started attending church weekly. Except for a 4-month period in 2002 when I had to work weekends, I’ve attended church pretty much every weekend since 1988. I calculated that by my last weekend at Coast, I had worked approximately 380 of the previous 400 weekends. In that time, I mixed, lit, ran slides for or TD’d well over 1,000 services.
Along the way, I started equating, at least at a subconscious level, going to church with working. I didn’t even know I was doing it until I stopped. It really wasn’t until a few months ago that I figured it out. So right now, I need to re-program my mind.
Building New Models
As I write this, I keep thinking back to January when I took Jamie Anderson’s Smaart class. He kept saying, “This is hard because we’re building new models of how sound works in our heads. Building new models is hard. Don’t worry, it gets easier.” That’s what I feel like I’m doing. I have to build a new model in my head of what going to church is.
Of course, I know what going to church is. But in my mind, I need to get to a place where I’m not critiquing the mix or lighting while I’m there. I need to be able to not feel like I should be working while I’m there. And quite frankly, I need time to rest. My new job has been great, but because I’m learning and refining a whole new skill set, it’s mentally exhausting. Working on staff at a church takes it’s toll even under the best of circumstances. I’m realizing now, three months out, how taxing my time at Coast really was.
Descriptive, Not Prescriptive
I say this a lot, but I’m telling you what is going on with me, not what you should be doing. I know guys who have been doing the TD thing for many more years than I have and they’re well-adjusted and happy. That is wonderful. This is just what I’m doing right now, nothing more. Like I said, I’m not mad and I will be back. I just don’t know when.
I remember my first pastor, Ron Boehm, going on vacation one time and saying that he didn’t go to church that weekend just to prove to himself that he could do it. I think it’s important that we know why we’re going to church. Do we do it because we work there? Do we go because we need to get our card punched for the week? Is it to see our friends or social circle? Is it just our habit? Or do we go because we can’t be anywhere else? Because we are compelled to go. Those are important questions.
Right now, I’m experiencing my time with the Lord in a new way. It’s a lot less programmed and more organic. And it’s very refreshing. I look forward to going back when I’m ready. Until then, I will continue to serve the church through this blog, the podcast and my work with Visioneering. It’s what I feel called to right now. And it’s good.