Old Production Takes From an Old Guy

Said From The Stage

Public speaking is hard. You stand up in front of a room full of people, some of whom you know quite well, while others are complete strangers. Hopefully, you are prepared well and know what you want to say. Sometimes, however, things don’t go quite as planned. You start second-guessing yourself and asking, “Did I say this already or was that during the 9?” Or you start editing your message on-the-fly. Or there are metaphors competing in your head–which one wins? Sometimes both. Or we discover we have no internal monologue. 

I’ve not done a ton of public speaking, but I’ve done some. And I think I’ve had all of those things happen to me. So it’s with great humility that I start collecting the funny stuff that is said when we stand in front of others to communicate. Because seriously, we can’t take ourselves to seriously. (“Wait, did I just say ‘seriously’ twice? Dangit!”)

  • “Often, God always has a plan for the things He is doing in our lives.”
  • “The $10 ticket covers the free appetizers.”
  • “And in so doing, it’s a great way to hang some flesh on these concepts.”
  • “I really missed you all last week, like really bad, like in the psyco ex-girlfriend kinda way.” 
  • “I know some of you think that 4 months is a long time to search for a new worship director, but remember it took over a year to find someone as well qualified as me.”

This is (hopefully) the beginning of a great collection of funny things uttered from stage. To protect the guilty, we’ll omit names (I did actually utter one of those, you can try to guess which one…and Jason Cole supplied one of them–thanks man!) I think it would be great fun if you would send me your favorite “Said On Stage” quotes and we’ll start compiling them. Colin’s offered to put up a list over at FaithTools and I may well mirror that on my site as well (you can’t have too many backups of priceless material like this!).

So when you hear something funny, odd, or just a really creative use of the language, post it in the comments and we’ll start adding it to the list. We all work really hard, so share the joy!

18 Comments

  1. Jonathan.Pierce@crossroadswired.com

    “Jesus came not to serve, but to be served” whoopsie…

  2. Jonathan.Pierce@crossroadswired.com

    “Jesus came not to serve, but to be served” whoopsie…

  3. Daniel@ITforSmall.Biz

    A number of years back, my pastor was doing a series about money and stewardship, the bottom line being “We are stewards, not owners” and “Everything comes from God and belongs to God”. In an effort to drive these points home, the pastor was repeating those lines over and over. Somewhere about 2/3rds of the way through the message, he got mixed up and started repeating “We are owners, not stewards”.

  4. Daniel@ITforSmall.Biz

    A number of years back, my pastor was doing a series about money and stewardship, the bottom line being “We are stewards, not owners” and “Everything comes from God and belongs to God”. In an effort to drive these points home, the pastor was repeating those lines over and over. Somewhere about 2/3rds of the way through the message, he got mixed up and started repeating “We are owners, not stewards”.

  5. jko.mediaguy@gmail.com

    At the high point of a sermon on life being a rose garden, the pastor said, “But God never promised us a roseless thorn garden.”

  6. jko.mediaguy@gmail.com

    At the high point of a sermon on life being a rose garden, the pastor said, “But God never promised us a roseless thorn garden.”

  7. justing.lakeland@gmail.com

    In the “tongue twister” category, during a capital campaign my pastor was intending to transition by saying “And now let’s have Chris come up and play our capital campaign theme song” but what came out was “theme thong”.

    We ribbed him for weeks and somebody bought him a thong with the campaign logo screen printed on the front. He hung it in his office. I love my church πŸ™‚

  8. justing.lakeland@gmail.com

    In the “tongue twister” category, during a capital campaign my pastor was intending to transition by saying “And now let’s have Chris come up and play our capital campaign theme song” but what came out was “theme thong”.

    We ribbed him for weeks and somebody bought him a thong with the campaign logo screen printed on the front. He hung it in his office. I love my church πŸ™‚

  9. jblasongame@gmail.com

    “Pitching Tents” spoonerisms come to mind

  10. jblasongame@gmail.com

    “Pitching Tents” spoonerisms come to mind

  11. richard@mycrossroads.org

    Our associate worship leader once said, “Please be seated in the house of Jesus.”

  12. richard@mycrossroads.org

    Our associate worship leader once said, “Please be seated in the house of Jesus.”

  13. chris@tigergreenproductions.com

    Spoonerisms come up many times in this arena.

    While I don’t have many chances on stage to speak, I used to be a broadcaster. At one point, I was employed at two radio stations at the same time. One was a very very very small radio station. The other was #2 in the market so our listenership was 100,000+. I was working at the 100k station and my boss was chatting in the booth with me. I turned around, flipped the microphone on and proceeded to say the number and call letters of the OTHER radio station. I caught what I did and managed to give the correct slogan for the station right after. After finishing my on-air work, I turned off the mic and looked at him. He just laughed and said “ah, it happens.”

  14. chris@tigergreenproductions.com

    Spoonerisms come up many times in this arena.

    While I don’t have many chances on stage to speak, I used to be a broadcaster. At one point, I was employed at two radio stations at the same time. One was a very very very small radio station. The other was #2 in the market so our listenership was 100,000+. I was working at the 100k station and my boss was chatting in the booth with me. I turned around, flipped the microphone on and proceeded to say the number and call letters of the OTHER radio station. I caught what I did and managed to give the correct slogan for the station right after. After finishing my on-air work, I turned off the mic and looked at him. He just laughed and said “ah, it happens.”

  15. bkirby@masters.edu

    In our little ministry at a Christian college we have what we call “Quotes of the Day.” Some of these are mistakes, some are just statements that are hilarious when taken out of context. Some are made from the stage, others just around the office. We post them on the wall in our “creatively-decored” production room. Some examples of lines that came from our chapel stage are:

    “It’s hard to be a man in a women’s department”

    and

    “The disciples are kind of like a boy-band”

  16. bkirby@masters.edu

    In our little ministry at a Christian college we have what we call “Quotes of the Day.” Some of these are mistakes, some are just statements that are hilarious when taken out of context. Some are made from the stage, others just around the office. We post them on the wall in our “creatively-decored” production room. Some examples of lines that came from our chapel stage are:

    “It’s hard to be a man in a women’s department”

    and

    “The disciples are kind of like a boy-band”

  17. ghall@fccn.org

    The deacon leading the offering prayer one Sunday said, “God loves a cheerful sinner.” That was many years ago and we still talk about it.

  18. ghall@fccn.org

    The deacon leading the offering prayer one Sunday said, “God loves a cheerful sinner.” That was many years ago and we still talk about it.

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